Yesterday artclass.....had a nice (girl) model and I had a huge stack of cheap paper..And we did quickies..5 minutes top. Charcoal and of you go....Im so stiff,so calvinistic...that it shows in everything..In my daily manner..In my drawings but also in the body movement..My teacher was simply demanding that I need to relax..The guy sorta showed guru qualities,like:''Hey Andrea its monday ,and you have ARTCLASS and its F.U.N.. FUNNNNNN!!!''

''You need to SWIRLLLLLL you charcoal over your paper!'' Things like that...Actually I wasnt annoyed or anything..which is rare..I left my cynic,and sarcastic behaviour at home and it was nice for a change. I opened up,told curious classmates about my life,about the job of the old hubby..Who works for a company that is specialised in Hemp and cannabis...Thinking Im amongst peers...

But I wasnt...Sigh One student (an old bitter fag) made fun of me,while I was franticly trying to explain to narrowminded peeps that a company like SENSI (the one of the old husband) could operate in other countries selling hemp products and not weed or anything...

Now I have to be all rude,and closed up again....Sigh..Dutch people are boring,they remind me to much of my self...even in liberal spaces like artschools they cannot comprehend the benefits of something slightly un-orthodox...They hear cannabis and they think about drugs,junkywisdom blah blah...Meanwhile those same narrowminded *ssholes spend every lousy  day on ''Borrel uurtje'' where its completly normal to drink 1 or 2 bottles of alcohol...Poor Bastards..

Anyway Im swirling away,and I love the fact that this is my life,and that I start to care less and less..Yes so what they look down on me..I couldnt care less (eccept yesterday which Im not going to tell about how i was sobbing tears and snot on the chest of the old ethnic immigrant husband/boy friend..Gotta love them those weird exotic latinos..yupp!!)..

So ask me again why I surround myself 24/7 with this macho kinda portugese man?

PS Tigra..Was thinking about your comment..Yes I am manic from time to time..Since puberty..what does it mean???