I am lately really really reallly depressed....Some part of the depression have actual reasons that doesnt have anything to do with that state of being which is always gloomy and actually also  in need of help. One of the things that is driving me insane is the bitch from the appartment above mine.

She s punishing me and my family since she moved in a coupla years ago. She shows a complete lack of rationality,she starts living at night...She has a serious alcohol problem. She came to my door quite a lot of times. With strange requests or stories. Like the time where she in a state if anger (or other mental emotion)smashed her entire household..only she did that at night. Next day she came to my door to offer her excuse...Said she had some problems...In my everlasting state of stupidity I even offered her to come to my house when she needed someone to talk with (Oh God how sorry I am). Or the time where at eleven pm she ringed my door in a drunk state of being and lured my husband upstairs in order to fix her computer..Only she thought it was a good moment to work her love magic on him....Sigh..Or the time where she wanted to have rolling paper ,cause she wanted to smoke pot,and she didnt had any paper...In all those times there was only once where she expressed some critic..that is almost two years ago..where she got a bit crossed with the fact that i was baking bacon,and that smell was driving her nuts (no wonder when you wake at 6 pm with a serious hangover and you smell the art of cooking ;-))..

Anyway..Last week..I baked pancakes,she came to my door...And asked...NO DEMANDED more ventilation. I was shocked...I simply told her she d got to be kidding..considering the fact that she always start her music at 11 pm until 3 am and turns the volume up until the speakers almost explode. I said..''Look we ve got a serious problem we both live in a badly kept appartment,I allready prosecuted the landowner quite succesfull..But it isnt enough,why dont you go this time...!! And next time you play that horrid music at 1 am Im gonna call the cops'' And I slammed the door.

I am sorry ,I really am..For I seem to have triggered her insanity. She ran downstairs,came back..banged on my door (which I ignored .Alone with two kids,bit frightened to be honest),jelled something quite vulgar...ran upstairs,turned on her stereo,ran downstairs,I checked behind my door (the coward that i am)saw a letter...Which drove ME insane.

In that letter,she acused me of several things:Constant potsmoking,lousy cook with terrible smells,writes how I ONLY constantly scream at my kid and in serious need of counseling in order to raise my kid (forgot that I have 2 kids)...But the worse still has to be written down....She said that i slammed the door in HER face,causing a serious injure (blood came dripling out of her nose) and with that insjure she ran to the police....How I cried and sobbed..The thing that really made me sad and angry was the part about me raising poorly..What a serious housewife I am..How sad really.. After that I realised..That she must have been lying about the whole police thingie..Because causing her injury is impossible,she had to be on the treshhold, to have even something as small as a scratch...But I was standing in the treshhold ,simply because I was that dumb to open the door in the first place...

Anyway in the letter she promised me to punish me with her stereo..So I called the police,actually started sobbing..I emailed the Buurtregisseur (a police officer asigned to handle these kinda things),and the next day I made an official complaint with Meldpunt Zorg en Overlast . The last one advised me to call the police straightaway...

Well today I had a telephone conversation with the buurtregisseur...ANd it actually turned out that on the night itself..She DID went to the police,with her complaint..She willingly destroyed in an official manner my reputation as parent,as civilian..And now i even wonder if she caused injury on her self to make her story more relliable...I am terribly upset....Im considering to prosecute her on the ground of willingly slur my name through a pile of shit.. (in dutch we call that :''Smaad)...The policeofficer really had to withhold me from prosecuting..She said how hard it is to gain evidence (hey didnt I have a letter?)

Anyway the coplady arranged for the two bitches to have a meeting with a third party present...I am going to show my best side..But Im also going to mention that i still feel like prosecuting her...

The thing which is just making me sad as well is..That I came from a youth where I was always bullied...Where I was (and still am )openly judged constantly...And the thing is...Ive decited a coupla years ago that I will never be the victim anymore....My husband knows about that ,he is afraid of that..cant seem to place my anger and frustration...

I AM NOT AN UNDERDOG! I AM NOT A VICTIM! I AM TOUGH AND WILLING TO FIGHT! YEARS AND YEARS OF BOTTELED UP ANGER IS BOILING UNDER THE SURFACE!!!!!!  AND I AM GOING TO WIN THIS,NO MATTER WHAT!!!!